Sometimes you have to work through the darkness to experience the light. I went through a rough few weeks in January. Going deeper into mystery in Marlee Grace's EVERYTHING IS A SUNSET class and facing some of my shadows that presented themselves during my reiki II journey.
And oohhh the resistance!! Mystery can be fun and playful and mystical but it can also leave me questioning and highly anxious and extremely stressed at the same time.
How do we handle mystery?
How do we find comfort in the unknown when we don't know or might never know?
The first two nights after reiki II attunement I had nightmares. Awful dreams where I was targeted as a victim. Nights where I woke up sweating. I rarely wake up in the middle of the night, yet remember my dreams. The rest of that week was rough. Just a struggle. Everything that should have worked out smoothly, presented me with a challenge.
And so I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit practicing because it kept bringing stuff up. I wanted to quit practicing because it was emotionally painful. I wanted to quit practicing because I felt like the Mandee I knew before I went into reiki training just got thrown into a washing machine. It scared me.
I resisted the practice.
And then the change happened.
I realized I resisted the practice because my nightmares were reflecting parts of myself that I didn't want to face. I was in victim mode and I put myself there a lot even when I shouldn't. It's a pattern. It's a pattern I now see and can break because I practice. Practicing made me realize that the more I go into darkness and face my shadows the more truth and trust and light I can find in mystery. If you keep practicing, the resistance slowly fades and you naturally begin to feel more comfort, but sometimes it hurts, it's painful, it's just downright scary. But when you push through, you find more pieces of yourself, you find more parts of the truth.
MY ADVICE: Keep practicing even when you resist it. Because most likely it means something. And you can learn more about yourself through the process.
(ps. I just completed reiki level 2!! yay! I can now do reiki distance healing for all of you who aren't local. Email firstname.lastname@example.org if you're interested in scheduling a session!) :)
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Mandee Metzger is the Creator and Founder of Inner Light Botanicals. She has studied and practices Ayurveda, Yoga, Meditation, Mindfulness, Crystal Healing, Reiki, and Integrative Nutrition and is a huge advocate for mental health awareness and feeling your feelings. She believes in the power of a smile, positivity, and the healing journey. She also believes in the power of integrating self-care into our daily life in small moments. And she believes in the power of the energy we put out into this world to transform lives and our planet. Find her simple self-care practices and mindful lifestyle on her YouTube channel, Mindfulness with Mandee.